Yulia Lanske, love-coach number 1 in the world at the recognition of the American iDate Awards, will help to learn to determine when it is possible to “allow a man to the body” and enter into intimacy with him.
First Date Sex: The Little Red Riding Hood Effect
Without exception, all men want sex on the first date, and there is no getting away from it … Most women think so, confirming what was said by personal experience. But is it really so? Of course, in life, there are “inveterate macho” that begin to persuade women to have sex at the very first meeting, without even having time to finish the dessert. However, most often men are provoked to premature sexual activity … by women themselves.
This is called the Little Red Riding Hood Effect. Similar to the plot of the famous fairy tale by Charles Perrault, women rush into the dark forest in sexy red dresses, as if not suspecting that dangerous gray wolves are waiting for them more often. Women’s provocations can begin to “put down roots” even in correspondence – when a girl, without realizing it, hints to a man about sex:
– “you know, we parted with the ex for a long time, I haven’t felt a strong male embrace for a year now”;
– “you have such a beautiful, relief figure – you just want to touch”;
– “What a pity that we did not know each other before, but we will definitely catch up.”
A woman can accidentally screw up such phrases on the first date, just flirting, trying not to look like a prude, and wanting to please a man. However, men are accustomed to taking everything literally, so they perceive languid glances and sipping cocktails through a straw as direct calls for sexual intimacy. Later, the “deceived” woman will complain to her best friend that “he never called back” and “all men are the same.” But playful behavior culminating in sex on the first date turns a woman into a trophy. Not having time to delve into her inner world, he, with a high degree of probability, will not want a new meeting – a superficial goal has been achieved, a tick has been set, and it is time to move on.
At the same time, the refusal of “Little Red Riding Hood” from sex on the first date can lead communication to a dead end.
“After all, she hinted at this all evening, and in the end, she was offended and indignant.”
What to do in this situation? How to hint to a man that you like him without becoming a sexual object for him? First of all, you should stop accumulating your thoughts about a sexual topic. After all, as you know, thoughts are material. If a woman is very worried about when, how and on what date an intimate relationship with a man should happen, she subconsciously “turns on” his sexual behavior.
How to get around the topic of sex on a first date and stop subconsciously hinting to a man that sex is exactly what you met today? First of all, relax and put your thoughts in order, try to switch them to what you really want from life. Think about a happy marriage, picnics, travel, pleasant romantic surprises … Just about who you want to become and how you see your future life. The male reaction will not belong incoming – he will also “turn on” you, but in a completely different sense – deeper and more serious.
How to “cool” premature male impulses
In the life of every woman, there are first dates on which a man hints at sex, even if you did not bring him to this topic. This behavior does not mean that you should immediately turn around and slam the door. Learn to “switch” a man using working techniques:
- We go into humor.
- We start an intellectual conversation.
- Building boundaries.
Going into humor
Humor and wit will help you to quickly switch a man from the topic of sex so that he literally forgets that a minute ago he “glared at” your neckline. Try not to make your jokes sound flat or original. Before meeting a man, prepare some witty anecdotes in advance that you can screw on the first date if necessary.
We start an intellectual conversation
Noticing that a man is constantly hinting at sex, turn the conversation into an intellectual plane. Topics in which your chosen one is oriented will work especially well. Talk with programmers about matrices and codes, with surgeons – about innovative operations and the latest advances in medicine. It is important that you are at least a little familiar with the subject of the conversation, so before the first date, I recommend that you explore intellectual topics that may be of interest to your companion. If at some point you have nothing to say, ask him a question about the subject of the conversation. The intelligent conversation will quickly and unobtrusively switch a man, allowing you to get away from the sensitive topic of sex.
By nature, men are conquerors. They always want to get their hands on the “forbidden fruit” that seems out of reach. Setting boundaries correctly means that you are not vetoing the topic of sex, but are not yet ready to talk about it, much less to do it. If on the first date a man tries to have an intimate conversation, embarrassedly lower his eyes and retort: ”This is a very interesting topic, and I would talk about it with you … on a date on the eighth.”
Shyness, understatement, and mystery “include” a man from a quarter of a turn. A light intrigue will arouse interest in him, and he will still wait for the eighth date. At the same time, he will be able to get to know you enough to realize that in you he is interested not only in the sexual principle.
When is it possible?
If the first sex happens too early, the man realizes that there is nothing more to conquer and leaves.
If the moment of first sex is too prolonged, the man can be “overexposed” in anticipation, after which he will also disappear.
So when does it come – that right moment? In the matter of the first intimacy, it is important that for a man it is long-awaited. Imagine a juicy steak – to get it, a man must wait until it is ready. It is the moment of waiting, and not the process of eating the dish itself, that is most sweet for him. Your first sex should be that coveted steak that a man is waiting for with bated breath. “When preparing a dish”, adhere to the main rules:
“Do not overdo it.” The excessive expectation of closeness for months, or even years, often makes a man tired, and he just leaves without waiting for the “main dish”.
Let’s hope. A man must understand that in the end, he will receive his “reward”.
Be the best for him. Open up a new side to a man every day, thereby causing admiration and awe.